How to Love More Deeply

Linda Heron Wind, Ph.D.

I was reading an article recently where children were asked about love and their wisdom was recorded for those of us who have forgotten. One five-year-old boy was asked, "How do you know when someone loves you?" His response was, "When someone loves you, you know that your name is safe in their mouth." As I thought about that answer, I became aware of what profound wisdom that is. What and who do we love and are their names safe in our mouths?

Holding your name safe in my mouth would mean that the words I use connected with your name would speak to your beauty and wholeness. They would be said in a tone of voice that is loving and respectful. Your name would vibrate in my mouth like a song that is soothing and warm. And my mouth would remain silent and loving when you are not at your best. Safety is love that is always there, not just when you are doing what I believe you should do.

My father always used to say that if you can't find something good to say about someone, don't say anything at all. He also modeled this fairly well - a very quiet man sometimes! I have tried to practice that wisdom only to find myself drawn into the conversations about someone and what they are doing or not doing that others think they shouldn't or should be doing. It is difficult to remain silent sometimes, especially when my own shadow is ready to jump up onto the stage and inhabit this person. From the costume of this other, my shadow thumbs its nose at me and invites me into the drama. Yes, those are the hard times to provide safety for the other's name in my mouth.

There are many meditation techniques that teach us to silence our minds and some of them involve long periods without speaking. When we return to our daily lives, however, speaking is a more automatic response than a spiritual act. I think of words as seeds that are spread out into the world every time we open our mouth and spill them out. Seeds, of course, sprout and grow and bring back to us a harvest.

Sometimes when I plant my vegetable garden, I can't remember exactly what I planted. I need to wait until the plants grow to see what they are. Words are the same way. We may be unconscious about what the seed words were that we put out into the world until they show up in our harvest basket.

Words that carry love and beauty into the world show up in our lives as love and beauty given back to us. Angry words come back to us as anger and critical words come back as criticism. I believe the saying is, "What you sow is what you reap." Loving more deeply requires us to be more conscious of the words that we use that are connected with the names of others or with our own name. When we cannot speak in a way that sows love and creates safety, silence is the best option. While keeping our mouths closed may not initially silence our minds, at least it does not give more power to what the mind is thinking. When we become more aware of our words and learn to be silent, our minds will also learn to be selective in what seed thoughts are sent out to the garden of our lives, and both our mouths and minds will be safe places for the names of those we love. As we go into Valentines Day, make your mouth a safe place for those you love.

To all that I love
Your names are safe in my mouth
In words and silence

If you have comments on these articles or ideas for future topics, call Linda Heron Wind at (585) 924-5620 or send e-mail to LHWind@aol.com.

Page last modified February 4, 2006 by RMC