Pain is Part of Life, Suffering is Optional

Pain Is Part of Life—Suffering is Optional

by Linda Heron Wind, Ph.D.

I always thought that pain and suffering went together. That belief led to my current life strategy of trying to prevent pain so I would not have to suffer any more. It seemed to me that if I could just get the right combination of preventative measures together—herbs, exercise, healthy food, meditation, positive thoughts, and so forth—I would no longer have to experience pain and the suffering it brought with it. There was a vague awareness that maybe this wasn't how things worked, but it was what I wanted to believe.

My latest effort along these lines was to attempt to stay joyful as much of the time as possible, believing, of course, that if I could do this, nothing painful would happen. When anything came up that moved me from the place of joy, I very quickly shifted back into joy by meditating, practicing gratitude, re-framing my thoughts, singing, or walking in nature. It seemed to be working fine.

Then, I started to get a cold. My throat was scratchy and nose was drippy. Of course, I took all the usual herbs and did some energy work, but I found myself slipping into a bad attitude. I was angry that I was getting a cold because I had worked so hard to stay joyful. I felt that I didn't deserve to get a cold! So off I went in meditation to talk to the Grandmothers. I wanted to know why I was getting this cold—after all, I had been "good."

The Grandmothers never give long speeches about anything or dance around the issue, they get right to the point. "Pain is part of life," they said, "but suffering is optional." I was immediately aware that I had come to them suffering, and they were pointing out that I had completely lost my joyful attitude. As I allowed myself to understand more fully what they were saying, the following awareness emerged:

Pain is a part of life. It tells you when to let go and when to move. Physical pain can point the way to clearing old emotional wounds and even karma from previous lives. Emotional pain shows you where your lessons lie and where your beliefs are limiting you. Pain keeps you growing and motivated to learn some very hard lessons that, without pain, you would give up on very quickly.

To be joyful when things are going well is easy, anyone can do that. To be joyful while you are experiencing pain is much more difficult, yet that is the lesson.You will get many opportunities to learn a lesson until you have mastered it. Then you will receive a new lesson. That is why you are here—to learn. Being pain-free is not the goal. Learning is the goal. Being pain-free is not the reward for learning well. Greater awareness and understanding are the rewards of lessons well-learned.

I moved out of that meditation with a far different attitude than I had when I went in. It was very freeing to know that being in pain does not mean that I need to suffer. I set about that day "not-suffering" with my cold. I thought of things I would enjoy doing and did them. After picking some beans from my garden, I sat and shelled them in the sun while practicing gratitude for the harvest, the sun, and the beauty of fall that was all around me. I got some work done, rested, ate well, and walked a little. In two days I felt better, but more important, I remained joyful and did not suffer during those two days. Of course, I was quite proud of my self for achieving this level of mastery.

The timing of the lessons in life is impeccable. As I sat down to write this article (thinking that I had this not-suffering lesson down), I pulled a muscle in my back. I was immediately faced with pain and the choice of whether or not I would suffer. This time the pain was more intense physical pain instead of the mild discomfort of cold symptoms. Part of me immediately fell into anger that this was happening to me again after I had been "good." I was surprised, however, at how quickly another part surfaced. This new part was laughing at the synchronicity of pulling a muscle in my back as I sat down to write an article about pain and suffering. It said, "Ah, another opportunity to learn about staying in joy—this time on a deeper level." There was at least some gratitude in that moment for the chance to practice my new awareness that suffering is a choice.

As I work with this new opportunity, I notice how quickly my mind wants to return to the old and familiar place of suffering. I watch it begin to head in that direction and gently call it back. "No," I say, "we've been there and done that and we know where it leads. We don't need to go there again." But, like a child that keeps heading for the candy that makes her sick, my mind keeps trying. I know I will need more opportunities to learn, and I welcome them because I know this is such a profound lesson. Sometimes I feel like a slow learner, but I would not trade the new awareness that I gain with each lesson for a pain-free existence!

10 ways to not suffer while experiencing physical or emotional pain

• Day dream about the things you love, feeling the love for them.

• Notice the beauty around you.

• Practice gratitude or count your blessings.

• Sing songs that make you feel happy or powerful.

• Meditate and ask for guidance in learning the lesson of the pain.

• Talk with people who make you laugh.

• Read books and poetry that inspire you.

• Listen to uplifting music.

• Be out in nature, giving thanks for the whole circle of life.

• Remember that you are a truly magnificent Being of Light having an Earthly experience.

Page last modified Feb.2, 2002 by RMC