The Pain of Change
by Linda Heron Wind, Ph.D.
Is pain always a part of change? I remember a time when I was whining a bit to a Grandmother guide in meditation and she looked at me with her piercing eyes and said, "Pain is part of life but suffering is optional." Needless to say, I stopped whining to contemplate that one! Since then I have learned a lot about pain and suffering in the cycle of change.
Change is like moving down a river in a small canoe. There are places where the current is strong and we move quickly and other places where the current is slower. We can speed change up a bit by paddling hard or try to slow it down by paddling against the current, both of which take a lot of energy to either get somewhere you are going anyway or to try to stop going where you will go anyway.
Along the river there are experiences
and things we like and other things we don't. We take these experiences
into the canoe and carry them with us awhile. But if we keep taking these
experiences in and don't toss them back out of the canoe, our canoe gets
full and slows down, and it can even sink. A good rule for canoeing the
waters of life is whenever you take a new experience or thing in, let
an old one go. Then the canoe stays better balanced. Of course, if you
did not know this, you may need to clean out your canoe before you begin
to practice this rule.
We hold onto experiences - both the ones
we like and the ones we don't - with our emotions. When we hold onto the
things we don't like, the pain comes from the continual reenactment of
these experiences in our lifes as their energy attracts more similar experiences
like a magnet. When we hold onto the things we do like the pain comes
from fear of losing whatever it is.
These experiences are a bit like fruit
from a tree - if we pick it when it is ripe, eat it, digest it and allow
it to nourish us in that moment - all is well. If we pick it and hold
onto it, it doesn't take long for it to become rotten and incapable of
nourishing us at all. Or if it is eaten and just sits in the body without
being digested properly, it creates toxins that poison the system.
Hands must be empty to receive something
new and letting go is what is asked of us to bring into our lives something
new. We can voluntarily let go or we can wait until it is ripped away
from us as we are dragged kicking and screaming over the falls (another
instance of pain). Change proceeds in the most painless fashion when we
appreciate what is present in each moment allowing it to nurture us and
then let it go. Or if it is an experience we don't like, we can be present
with it, feeling it fully and extracting what we need to know from the
experience, but then let it go.
Letting go is a salve that soothes our pain. Holding on intensifies the pain. Change happens either way.
Somewhere I lost me
Perhaps in the "to do" list
Or thoughts from the past
Maybe
the future
Calls my energy away
And leaves me empty
Presence is the door
Into this sacred moment
Where I find myself
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Page last modified June 11, 2003 by RMC